Are you better at giving or receiving??
Do you realise whether or not you are a giver or a taker in this life?
Or maybe those roles change in different areas of your life?
What I really want to know is how do I become more able to receive???
I ready a really interesting article recently in a holistic magazine around the art of creating and receiving in your life and about being within the 'flow' of what it is that you desire for your life, which is all very interesting but the piece that caught me the most was the part that said that no matter how much you 'want' something you will only be able to receive what you are ready and able to receive. The article also asked the question 'have you every tried to do something for someone else and given and given to them only to find yourself completely drained and them in the same place they were'. Hmmmmm I thought to myself, this sounds like the story of my life!!!
DING DING - LIGHT BULB MOMENT!!!
The message that I received - loud and clear (thank you universe) is that all of us are only able to accept into our lives ONLY the amount of ANYTHING that we are ready, able, or in my case at least, believe that we are subconsciously worthy to receive. So then I ask myself how do I allow myself to be more open or able to receive???
I have to admit I am still waiting on the full answer (or maybe just an answer that I like!) but I did hear a soft whisper that said 'by keeping on going just as you are, a little at a time'. HMPH!!! I don't know about anyone else but sometimes I just wish there was an answer to life's questions written in neon lights for me with a full explanation so that I could just go 'ohhhhh that's it, ok got it now'. Not this time!!
In my never ending pursuit of 'balance' in my life I notice that my level of comfort with giving far outweighs my level of comfort with receiving which may make me sound generous, or even perhaps a little righteous but in reality maybe there is a level of selfishness and even arrogance to some of my acts of giving and my lack of receipt.
There have certainly been many times in my life that I have simply gone ahead and bought things or done things for others without being asked and while I certainly believed that I was acting with the best of intentions at the time, isn't it a little arrogant to think that I know what someone needs more than they do?! I whole heartedly admit to being someone who goes over and above in most areas of my life which I guess is fine when it's just for me but I now realise that it really isn't my place to say 'oh I know you wanted this but I got you this and this and this as well' or 'I thought you might need a hand with this so here I am or make a time and I will do this for you/with you'. Even as I look at those statements I feel a little ashamed at my arrogance and pushiness (is that a word??). To anyone that has been on the receiving end of either mine or others 'good intentions' that may not have been needed or welcomed, I apologise for all of us who have overstepped that line and see that perhaps the lesson for me is that if I back off a little from being so focused on giving everything to everyone whether they want or ask for it or not, then maybe I can create a little room for myself to receive.....
Sunday 24 June 2012
Sunday 17 June 2012
I Give You Permission
You know when you are a kid and you are told to wait for permission - permission to leave the table after a meal, permission to go to the toilet at school, permission to eat, permission to leave, permission to stay really just a whole bunch of going from here to there waiting to be given permission for what you want to do.
Then you get older and when you go to work you have to wait to be given permission for a day off, permission to do something different in your own work space, permission to take holidays and so it goes on with so many aspects of life there is a time that you are waiting to be given permission. For me that kind of reasoning has seemed to seep into my mental habits, the tapes I play to myself inside my head and the beliefs (however they got there) that I have about myself, my appearance, my worth and when it is my 'turn'. I work hard on this journey called life to be true to myself, to take responsibility for myself, my actions and my thoughts and mostly to walk my own talk - I believe in treating others in a way that I would like to be treated and I believe that what I put out, I should get back, be it good, bad or indifferent. BUT the more I think about permission in my life the more I realise that there are so many areas that I have handed over my power by waiting, without realising it, to be given permission even to just be me!
I have, over the years, gathered many a negative belief about myself and at the core of those beliefs is a very low value placed on my own worth. It is a long and boring story of how all of that came about and it is unnecessary to tell it, it only needs to be said that I have realised it and now it is time to change....
I realise that I have been waiting for permission for so many things internally - waiting for permission to like/love myself for who am and permission to believe that I can make that happen. I have been waiting for permission to be ok with the physical shell I have in this life - I have never been told at what point I would be an acceptable size or even 'look' to decide that I could stop hating and loathing my body and start to just accept it and find some sort of peace. I have been waiting for permission for it to be 'my turn' in my life - I gladly sacrificed for my children and my husband, I did what I thought was right at the time and I realise that I found myself waiting for others to move over and make room and allowances for things to be different to notice that I was waiting for permission so that I could pursue a new direction, a fulfilling career, my life's purpose. And here I was, all ready to go! Ideas in place, making things happen and yet no one else was moving with the changes, no one was offering to help make it a smooth transition, too hold my hand and my heart while I leapt, boots and all and heart first as always into the unknown and now, from my new perspective I see that all of that part of the journey for me was about permission and a permission that I was waiting for someone else to give that I now realise all along I have needed to give myself so here goes:
Self, I give you permission to like and eventually LOVE all that you are - overly sensitive, overly emotional, overly reactive, overly weighted physically....The whole lot, the whole mess of crazy weirdness that makes you you.
I give you permission to go into any job that feels right and I give you permission to change jobs because of a feeling...
I give you permission to look in the mirror and find beauty, not ugliness wherever you can find it. I give you permission to cry as you do this as it will be hard but I know you can as you now have my permission to like what you see even if you start a little bit at a time.
I give you permission to believe what your heart and soul tells you is your truth about the world and those in it and about Angels and Guides and Fairies and all things wild and free and magical and spiritual and I give you permission to not judge yourself for believing whatever you believe and forgive others who judge you as their part of the journey just does not coincide with your own in that place...
I give you permission to FEEL whatever you are feeling to whatever degree you need to feel it. Embrace your emotions and stop apologising for them or trying to stuff them down. I give you permission to set your feelings free...
I give you permission to be proud of yourself for who you are in this life and all that you have achieved so far. I give you permission to believe that there is so much more to come for you that you are on your way to achieving your wildest craziest and most earnest dreams....
I give you permission to realise that not everyone can do what you do or what you have done in your life and even if they have the ability or opportunity, not everyone makes the choices you have so I give you permission to be proud of all of your choices.
I give you permission to be proud of all that you have achieved physically with training and exercise. I give you permission to be proud of your physical strength and I give you permission to let go of the idea that your physical strength is something to be ashamed of. I give you permission to become a runner and I give you permission to let go of the idea that you can't run because you have and you can and there is so much more to come...
I give you permission to love and share every one of your perceived 'faults', they make you who you are, they make you human and they make you real. I give you permission to be like the Japanese and pour gold into the cracks of the pot to accentuate the damage as something beautiful that has history and has seen a lot of life. I give you permission to view all of your 'cracks' this way and instead of hiding them, share them freely whatever may come....
And finally I give you permission to shine as the best damn version of you that yourself and the world has ever seen...
What would you like to give yourself permission for?
Then you get older and when you go to work you have to wait to be given permission for a day off, permission to do something different in your own work space, permission to take holidays and so it goes on with so many aspects of life there is a time that you are waiting to be given permission. For me that kind of reasoning has seemed to seep into my mental habits, the tapes I play to myself inside my head and the beliefs (however they got there) that I have about myself, my appearance, my worth and when it is my 'turn'. I work hard on this journey called life to be true to myself, to take responsibility for myself, my actions and my thoughts and mostly to walk my own talk - I believe in treating others in a way that I would like to be treated and I believe that what I put out, I should get back, be it good, bad or indifferent. BUT the more I think about permission in my life the more I realise that there are so many areas that I have handed over my power by waiting, without realising it, to be given permission even to just be me!
I have, over the years, gathered many a negative belief about myself and at the core of those beliefs is a very low value placed on my own worth. It is a long and boring story of how all of that came about and it is unnecessary to tell it, it only needs to be said that I have realised it and now it is time to change....
I realise that I have been waiting for permission for so many things internally - waiting for permission to like/love myself for who am and permission to believe that I can make that happen. I have been waiting for permission to be ok with the physical shell I have in this life - I have never been told at what point I would be an acceptable size or even 'look' to decide that I could stop hating and loathing my body and start to just accept it and find some sort of peace. I have been waiting for permission for it to be 'my turn' in my life - I gladly sacrificed for my children and my husband, I did what I thought was right at the time and I realise that I found myself waiting for others to move over and make room and allowances for things to be different to notice that I was waiting for permission so that I could pursue a new direction, a fulfilling career, my life's purpose. And here I was, all ready to go! Ideas in place, making things happen and yet no one else was moving with the changes, no one was offering to help make it a smooth transition, too hold my hand and my heart while I leapt, boots and all and heart first as always into the unknown and now, from my new perspective I see that all of that part of the journey for me was about permission and a permission that I was waiting for someone else to give that I now realise all along I have needed to give myself so here goes:
Self, I give you permission to like and eventually LOVE all that you are - overly sensitive, overly emotional, overly reactive, overly weighted physically....The whole lot, the whole mess of crazy weirdness that makes you you.
I give you permission to go into any job that feels right and I give you permission to change jobs because of a feeling...
I give you permission to look in the mirror and find beauty, not ugliness wherever you can find it. I give you permission to cry as you do this as it will be hard but I know you can as you now have my permission to like what you see even if you start a little bit at a time.
I give you permission to believe what your heart and soul tells you is your truth about the world and those in it and about Angels and Guides and Fairies and all things wild and free and magical and spiritual and I give you permission to not judge yourself for believing whatever you believe and forgive others who judge you as their part of the journey just does not coincide with your own in that place...
I give you permission to FEEL whatever you are feeling to whatever degree you need to feel it. Embrace your emotions and stop apologising for them or trying to stuff them down. I give you permission to set your feelings free...
I give you permission to be proud of yourself for who you are in this life and all that you have achieved so far. I give you permission to believe that there is so much more to come for you that you are on your way to achieving your wildest craziest and most earnest dreams....
I give you permission to realise that not everyone can do what you do or what you have done in your life and even if they have the ability or opportunity, not everyone makes the choices you have so I give you permission to be proud of all of your choices.
I give you permission to be proud of all that you have achieved physically with training and exercise. I give you permission to be proud of your physical strength and I give you permission to let go of the idea that your physical strength is something to be ashamed of. I give you permission to become a runner and I give you permission to let go of the idea that you can't run because you have and you can and there is so much more to come...
I give you permission to love and share every one of your perceived 'faults', they make you who you are, they make you human and they make you real. I give you permission to be like the Japanese and pour gold into the cracks of the pot to accentuate the damage as something beautiful that has history and has seen a lot of life. I give you permission to view all of your 'cracks' this way and instead of hiding them, share them freely whatever may come....
And finally I give you permission to shine as the best damn version of you that yourself and the world has ever seen...
What would you like to give yourself permission for?
Sunday 10 June 2012
Are We Living In The Matrix??
Do you ever have a time when you think something is REALLY obvious to you and yet others around you seem to be oblivious? Like in the movie "The Matrix" where all these people are really asleep and hooked up to machines while they go about their perfect little lives, believing that everything is as it seems and yet for a lucky (or unlucky) few, they are awake and open to a whole different reality and yet they are not able to wake others out of their dream state reality.
In my life this kind of experience seems to occur around thoughtfulness and helping out others. For me, and perhaps this is a nature V's nurture argument, but I was brought up in a household that always encouraged helping others, both my brother and I and our parents were great friends with all the neighbours and often helped out with lifts for kids, helping each other build garages, put up a swimming pool etc. There was always 'extras' over for Christmas lunch - anyone the didn't have family or were at a loose end, and there has always been a general sense of if you can see something that needs doing or someone that needs help then you step in and offer. To me this seems an obvious transaction - someone needs something that I can help with or provide so quite simply why would I not give to them?
Another interesting behaviour that makes me feel like we are living in the matrix is the way that many people make choices to stay 'stuck' in a place that they are apparently not happy - as they state their unhappiness with their situation as often as possible, and yet when solutions or options are offered they simply shut down or say things like 'yeah, I could do that' and then keep going on the exact same, apparently unhappy, path hmmmm.....
I certainly don't think that I have always been this open or self-aware, as I look back to younger days I definitely realise the selfishness of youth, I certainly didn't realise at the time, nor was I purposefully ignoring the needs of others, I just simply didn't notice. A great turning point in my life when I was quite young (around 21 I think) was when I decided to leave the place that I had started my working life (back then it was a hair salon). I had spent 4 years doing my apprenticeship and another 2 years beyond that under the constant torment of my well and truly evil and sadistic boss. A man that found great amusement in bringing apprentices to tears one after another almost every day. Anyway once I decided to leave and work at another salon I realised that I didn't have to stay in a place that I was not happy. That I had power and I had choices and I was able to make changes in my life for the better. Well the day I left that salon I vowed to never EVER stay in a job that I was not happy in and in over 20 years, and many different career paths, I haven't and that has been a metaphor for a lot of my life.
There are definitely days that I wish I was still living within 'the matrix', oblivious to the deeper callings of my life's path and the choices that I have to make that are sometimes difficult and painful, but once I became 'awake' I could not ignore possibilities and opportunities for change and personal growth. There is also the realisation that we are each on our own path of discovery and that none of us a better than another but rather just in a different place in our personal and joint evolution and we have to work really hard to respect and not judge where another is on their part of the journey. Nor can we 'awaken' anyone else or drag or carry them to see the light. A big part of my current growth is realising that just because someone doesn't see things the way I do, or act in a way that I would, does not make them wrong, or bad, but simply in a different place on their journey and I guess just being 'them' in a way that is different to 'me' and isn't respecting that one of the greatest lessons we learn......
In my life this kind of experience seems to occur around thoughtfulness and helping out others. For me, and perhaps this is a nature V's nurture argument, but I was brought up in a household that always encouraged helping others, both my brother and I and our parents were great friends with all the neighbours and often helped out with lifts for kids, helping each other build garages, put up a swimming pool etc. There was always 'extras' over for Christmas lunch - anyone the didn't have family or were at a loose end, and there has always been a general sense of if you can see something that needs doing or someone that needs help then you step in and offer. To me this seems an obvious transaction - someone needs something that I can help with or provide so quite simply why would I not give to them?
Another interesting behaviour that makes me feel like we are living in the matrix is the way that many people make choices to stay 'stuck' in a place that they are apparently not happy - as they state their unhappiness with their situation as often as possible, and yet when solutions or options are offered they simply shut down or say things like 'yeah, I could do that' and then keep going on the exact same, apparently unhappy, path hmmmm.....
I certainly don't think that I have always been this open or self-aware, as I look back to younger days I definitely realise the selfishness of youth, I certainly didn't realise at the time, nor was I purposefully ignoring the needs of others, I just simply didn't notice. A great turning point in my life when I was quite young (around 21 I think) was when I decided to leave the place that I had started my working life (back then it was a hair salon). I had spent 4 years doing my apprenticeship and another 2 years beyond that under the constant torment of my well and truly evil and sadistic boss. A man that found great amusement in bringing apprentices to tears one after another almost every day. Anyway once I decided to leave and work at another salon I realised that I didn't have to stay in a place that I was not happy. That I had power and I had choices and I was able to make changes in my life for the better. Well the day I left that salon I vowed to never EVER stay in a job that I was not happy in and in over 20 years, and many different career paths, I haven't and that has been a metaphor for a lot of my life.
There are definitely days that I wish I was still living within 'the matrix', oblivious to the deeper callings of my life's path and the choices that I have to make that are sometimes difficult and painful, but once I became 'awake' I could not ignore possibilities and opportunities for change and personal growth. There is also the realisation that we are each on our own path of discovery and that none of us a better than another but rather just in a different place in our personal and joint evolution and we have to work really hard to respect and not judge where another is on their part of the journey. Nor can we 'awaken' anyone else or drag or carry them to see the light. A big part of my current growth is realising that just because someone doesn't see things the way I do, or act in a way that I would, does not make them wrong, or bad, but simply in a different place on their journey and I guess just being 'them' in a way that is different to 'me' and isn't respecting that one of the greatest lessons we learn......
Sunday 3 June 2012
It's All About The Little Things
Have you ever heard the saying "don't sweat the small stuff, and really it's all small stuff"? While I'm not too sure about that one, what has struck me today is how 'every little bit counts'. At the moment in my life among other crazy pursuits I am trying to learn to be a runner. Actually I think I am more than trying, I'd like to think I'm on my way to succeeding so maybe I am on my way to becoming a runner (although I still don't like it and I am still under the impression that you should only be running if someone is chasing you!!) Anyway, every time I decide that I will go out for a run I have a battle of wills with my not so nice inner self and have to almost force myself out the door kicking and screaming (think Me, Myself and Irene!!). So today was no different, I ummed and ahhhed for a while, trying to see if I could find a friend to join me, trying to decided if I really had to do it since it was Sunday, I've had a busy weekend blah blah on and on my ego went until I just got changed into 'running clothes' and took off, slowly, out the front door on my own. I recently decided to try not to follow the same route all the time but rather try and 'challenge' myself (like just learning to run isn't challenge enough!) by going in an unfamiliar way and taking on some hills and bends just to make it interesting or whatever. Since the last time I had been doing running was only a few days ago at my crazy boot camp style exercise group and that was up hill, down dale and plenty of places in between, my poor legs felt like concrete as I set off at a slow but steady pace talking myself through what was to come - "ok once you get up here, and round the corner, and over the hill, and back to the road, you can walk for a little bit. Little bites, lean forward and take a bit at a time (the voice of my trainer and friend in my head coaching me through) I have to say it was cold, I was tired and it was all a bit tiresome AND THEN I passed an older man with a lovely dog, and I always try to smile or at least grimace at people as I am trying to run along so I give him a welcoming look and as if he knew how much I was struggling he said "you'll get there" which was possibly just politeness on his behalf but for me those few words were like a light shining down from up above, with angels singing and horns blowing....I could do this! I could make it and keep going thanks to this lovely man's few words of encouragement.
As always, I like to ponder things that happen in my life, to derive meaning and wisdom from anything that strikes me and this little experience this afternoon has reminded me that it is the smallest things that can make all the difference to yourself or someone elses experience, day, or even life. This can certainly work both ways - both positive and negative, but if what we focus our attention and our intention on grows then I would like to grow more warm, fuzzy experiences both for myself and others around me by sharing a kind word to a stranger or a friend and by stopping to take a moment to think about my words if they are negative or judgemental. How nice would it be to live in a world that people were friendly and encouraging and judgements and harsh words faded away? Perhaps we could all be responsible for creating that world, like learning to run, just a little bite at a time...........
As always, I like to ponder things that happen in my life, to derive meaning and wisdom from anything that strikes me and this little experience this afternoon has reminded me that it is the smallest things that can make all the difference to yourself or someone elses experience, day, or even life. This can certainly work both ways - both positive and negative, but if what we focus our attention and our intention on grows then I would like to grow more warm, fuzzy experiences both for myself and others around me by sharing a kind word to a stranger or a friend and by stopping to take a moment to think about my words if they are negative or judgemental. How nice would it be to live in a world that people were friendly and encouraging and judgements and harsh words faded away? Perhaps we could all be responsible for creating that world, like learning to run, just a little bite at a time...........
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