I Give You Permission

You know when you are a kid and you are told to wait for permission - permission to leave the table after a meal, permission to go to the toilet at school, permission to eat, permission to leave, permission to stay really just a whole bunch of going from here to there waiting to be given permission for what you want to do.
Then you get older and when you go to work you have to wait to be given permission for a day off, permission to do something different in your own work space, permission to take holidays and so it goes on with so many aspects of life there is a time that you are waiting to be given permission. For me that kind of reasoning has seemed to seep into my mental habits, the tapes I play to myself inside my head and the beliefs (however they got there) that I have about myself, my appearance, my worth and when it is my 'turn'. I work hard on this journey called life to be true to myself, to take responsibility for myself, my actions and my thoughts and mostly to walk my own talk - I believe in treating others in a way that I would like to be treated and I believe that what I put out, I should get back, be it good, bad or indifferent. BUT the more I think about permission in my life the more I realise that there are so many areas that I have handed over my power by waiting, without realising it, to be given permission even to just be me!
I have, over the years, gathered many a negative belief about myself and at the core of those beliefs is a very low value placed on my own worth. It is a long and boring story of how all of that came about and it is unnecessary to tell it, it only needs to be said that I have realised it and now it is time to change....
I realise that I have been waiting for permission for so many things internally - waiting for permission to like/love myself for who am and permission to believe that I can make that happen. I have been waiting for permission to be ok with the physical shell I have in this life - I have never been told at what point I would be an acceptable size or even 'look' to decide that I could stop hating and loathing my body and start to just accept it and find some sort of peace. I have been waiting for permission for it to be 'my turn' in my life - I gladly sacrificed for my children and my husband, I did what I thought was right at the time and I realise that I found myself waiting for others to move over and make room and allowances for things to be different to notice that I was waiting for permission so that I could pursue a new direction, a fulfilling career, my life's purpose. And here I was, all ready to go! Ideas in place, making things happen and yet no one else was moving with the changes, no one was offering to help make it a smooth transition, too hold my hand and my heart while I leapt, boots and all and heart first as always into the unknown and now, from my new perspective I see that all of that part of the journey for me was about permission and a permission that I was waiting for someone else to give that I now realise all along I have needed to give myself so here goes:
Self, I give you permission to like and eventually LOVE all that you are - overly sensitive, overly emotional, overly reactive, overly weighted physically....The whole lot, the whole mess of crazy weirdness that makes you you.
I give you permission to go into any job that feels right and I give you permission to change jobs because of a feeling...
I give you permission to look in the mirror and find beauty, not ugliness wherever you can find it. I give you permission to cry as you do this as it will be hard but I know you can as you now have my permission to like what you see even if you start a little bit at a time.
I give you permission to believe what your heart and soul tells you is your truth about the world and those in it and about Angels and Guides and Fairies and all things wild and free and magical and spiritual and I give you permission to not judge yourself for believing whatever you believe and forgive others who judge you as their part of the journey just does not coincide with your own in that place...
I give you permission to FEEL whatever you are feeling to whatever degree you need to feel it. Embrace your emotions and stop apologising for them or trying to stuff them down. I give you permission to set your feelings free...
I give you permission to be proud of yourself for who you are in this life and all that you have achieved so far. I give you permission to believe that there is so much more to come for you that you are on your way to achieving your wildest craziest and most earnest dreams....
 I give you permission to realise that not everyone can do what you do or what you have done in your life and even if they have the ability or opportunity, not everyone makes the choices you have so I give you permission to be proud of all of your choices.
I give you permission to be proud of all that you have achieved physically with training and exercise. I give you permission to be proud of your physical strength and I give you permission to let go of the idea that your physical strength is something to be ashamed of. I give you permission to become a runner and I give you permission to let go of the idea that you can't run because you have and you can and there is so much more to come...
I give you permission to love and share every one of your perceived 'faults', they make you who you are, they make you human and they make you real. I give you permission to be like the Japanese and pour gold into the cracks of the pot to accentuate the damage as something beautiful that has history and has seen a lot of life. I give you permission to view all of your 'cracks' this way and instead of hiding them, share them freely whatever may come....
And finally I give you permission to shine as the best damn version of you that yourself and the world has ever seen...
What would you like to give yourself permission for?