Jumping Off The Cliff Of Life

I have had a saying about change for a long time that goes something like "the scariest part of true change is that it is like jumping off a cliff and hoping that your wings will grow" and although I THINK that I have had that feeling before, after this week I KNOW what it is to hold that sense of angst, insecurity and downright fear within you and know that this is the time to jump or forever more sit back and watch everyone else fly by...
It may seem a silly thing to others, this thing that has brought me such anxiety, but once I again I find that we really are all different and what we each perceive and experience is our own unique journey.
So this week I embarked on a new journey - the journey of group personal training. This in itself is not the scary bit for me, I have always exercised and I know and trust the trainer. There are a few parts to the 'scary cliff jumping change' part - the first being the passion and ferocity of our trainer. She is a wonderful person, a friend and an amazing trainer and I know her work as I have trained with her over 4 years ago before she left Australia for an overseas posting. So knowing her style I was already kind of scared as I knew we would be pushed, and boy was I pushed!! So where is the cliff??? For me the edge of that cliff is holding the label I have carried for a lifetime, the label of 'fat me'. The story is long and for another post but it is a mental and emotional challenge as well as a physical one that has been a long time struggle but one that I am determined to outgrow and outshine. Brave words as I stand at the edge of the cliff that is my collection of internal labels, look over the edge and say to myself 'jump, its OK your wings will grow, just jump! And leave all of this behind'. For me, this is leaving 'me' behind, I may loathe this label, I may want so desperately to free myself of it, but some part of me also feels that this is ME and to leave it behind is to have to look at myself and work out who I am without it (THERES the edge of the cliff!!).
I really hadn't realised how comfortable I was with this 'me' and how much I have done to make excuses or sabotage myself to keep me right here in the place that I know. It really hit home to me when our trainer told us that we 4 in our group are the only people she will be working with (even though her services are in high demand), that she is here for US and that she will be checking in and supporting us all the way....WHOA where do I hide now??!!! Absolutely, totally BUSTED hiding in my comfortable, soft place of familiar exercise and trying to eat well.
So here I stand, at the edge of my cliff, feeling the breeze against my bare, vulnerable self, telling myself 'just one more step, it will be OK, just one more step' and I wonder to myself -
How long will it take to learn how to fly...................