The Centre of the Rainbow

I have been known to mention - not very often and only in VERY close circles, that I sometimes miss my home in the sky... This is not a depressive statement, it is not a wish to cross back to the other side, it is merely a feeling, a kind of de ja vu type memory of a time when everything just 'was'. It is a feeling that I spent time in a place of complete wholeness, it was my true home, the place that I belonged and fitted in like a tailor made outfit just for me and I have just decided (or maybe realised) that this place I refer to is in the centre of the rainbow.
Even as I look at those words it seems like a little bit of crazy talk but hey, whats the harm in that?!
In my life at the moment I am on a constant search to find all things 'rainbowy' with which to surround myself. I have a 'rainbow room' where a rainbow chandelier bathes me in light, a giant canvas hangs painted with rainbow colours that I have attached my favourite pics of friends and family, there are rainbow coloured prayer flags, rainbow Buddha prints and my latest edition and hand made rainbow coloured felt ball rug from Nepal to sit on in the middle of the room - for me it is rainbow bliss and I cant get enough of it!!!
So what is is about being in the centre of a rainbow?!
Simple, its magical!!! All that colour and sparkle, joy and love, who doesn't smile when they see a rainbow?! I have decided that it is good (no matter what anyone else might think) to surround myself at least in one small space with what brings me bliss and helps me to find joy and peace and for me that is all of my rainbows.............

The Joy of.....JOY!!

Today is a Rainbowy, Sunshiny, Joy-y kind of day (for me anyway)!!

Today I went back to work today for the first time in about 5 weeks (ahhhh, big happy sigh) and since I really love my job, it was joy. I had an easy time getting ready for work, my kids were looked after without any hassle, on the way to work I chatted to a very dear to my heart friend (on my blue-tooth ear piece of course) and when I arrived at work I was greeted with lots of "oh your back" (in happy tones) and felt like today had lots of purpose in propelling me forward into what looks like being a fabulous and amazing year (today anyway!) all of which for me equals a day of JOY!!

Joy is one of those contagious feelings I think that I cannot pass up sharing. I LOVE joy. Not things that bring joy or something that happens to create joy but just pure and simple I love to feel joy for no other reason than that I want to be joyful.

Hmmm as I sit here I hear my ego whispering "You know it can't last. You can't feel joy ALL the time, its just not right" and I'm sure that there are many others that would be racing to agree - you cannot just be 'joyful' all the time and you know what? I agree...

I am a big believer in honouring all feelings - there is definitely a time for sadness, a time for anger, a time for grief etc but I also believe in having the choice, I believe that I have the power, in my life, to choose joy whenever I can. That does not mean that I don't feel other emotions but what I have learned is that I am able to choose a time that feels right to let a darker emotion have full reign, do delve deep into it, let it run it's full course and exhaust itself and then LET IT GO!!

I have by no means perfected this act and like all of us I am a student on a journey and some of the lessons are harder than others but man I'm keen to learn and give all of those lessons a red hot go!! What I have learned lately, and I think this has helped more joy find its way into my life, is to ease up on myself, to give myself a metaphorical 'chill pill', to remind myself to 'calm my farm' and hardest of all for me is to 'relax and just let it happen' (a little bit of me is cringing with that one now, can you say "control freak"?!). I read an interview transcript recently by a fabulous psychologist, 'happiness expert' and all round fab guy Robert Holden, when he was asked about finding peace and happiness he gave a VERY long list of all of the courses he had attended, things he had done, books he had read etc to find that all he needed to do was RELAX!! This struck a chord with me as I am totally guilty of striving to 'be' and 'do' so that I can 'have' all that I might possibly achieve in this little life which is definitely all great and purposeful BUT there has to be a balance (big light bulb!!) there needs to be a time when you just RELAX (strangely this is kind of a new concept for me).
So following that theme I have decided that there also has to be a time amongst the chaos and the turmoil and the complete CRAZY  that is so often the fabric of my life to choose what the feeling is, to give myself that positive space no matter what else is going on and find a space within me that is just joy..............

My Feet Are Now a Metaphor for My Life

Feet…. Feet are really kind of gross, not too many people around the place have pretty feet and I cant say I know hardly anyone who actually likes their feet (or anyone else’s for that matter!) and I am certainly no different there. BUT in order to make the most of the feet that I do have I really have to nurture them and care for them or they go all crusty and dry and that is REALLY GROSS!!

To me it seems such a chore to exfoliate my feet EVERY day then rub some sort of cream or lotion into them AND find a pair of cotton socks to put on and walk around in while it all soaks in PHEW that seems like a lot of work!! This is a process that I need to go through almost every day, if I don’t (due to , my penchant for wearing open shoes, thongs or no shoes at all) my feet dry out very quickly and resemble something like the surface of the moon – arid, lined and cratered with a white chalky colour NOT a good look and certainly NOT acceptable in my vain little world.

Ok, getting off track a little so to bring me back to ,y point (there is a point that is meaningful I promise) I had yet another epiphany – seriously if I keep going this way I will reach the heights of ‘spiritual guru’ by the end of this year, and then what?!) about everything being related to everything, in my life at least, then this tiresome daily process is all a part of me making myself worthy enough to slow down and take time to honour what my body needs for it to be in its optimal condition. And really, where better to start than at my feet?!

Like most women I am always working on improving my perceived ‘faults’ in the physical realm and for me since my outward appearance seems to be far too linked to my self – worth, if I start with something small like my feet (actually they’re not that small but I’m talking in relation to the rest of me) then when I can commit fully to the needs of my feet then I may also be able to honour myself and my body enough to listen to its food related needs – as opposed to ignoring what I find ‘inconvenient’ (a series of intolerances that I sometimes ignore until I get quite sick then can no longer ignore).

I do sometimes wonder why theses lessons in my life become so tiresome and tedious and I get answered by the universe that basically what do I expect? Afterall they are MY lessons so somewhere along the line I signed myself up for this. After this kind of a statement I’m really quite sure that ‘whoever is out there’ also adds “Well duuhhh” and rolls their eyes at me for being so human!

So in summing up, my feet are now my life (kind of) and as I want to continue to keep and grow my new found higher self - worth then I will have to continue to listen, as well as act upon, what it is that I am told or feel is my truth hmmmmmm ……………..

Im Worth it and I Know it...

I'm not sure if everyone (or anyone but me) finds that as you go along this magical journey called life there are some growth lessons that come fairly easily and settle in comfortably somewhere under our wings and within our soul, and yet other growth lessons, even the ones that should (hmmm a word that I definitely need to let go of) be obvious because they are really so simple but seem to be the hardest to integrate and fully own and believe.
For me that lesson has been my self - worth.
More specifically learning the ways that I state my worth to the rest of the world as well as finding my own conclusions and my own understanding of exactly what self - worth means to me, how I achieve it, add to it and how I maintain it when my ego and others around me show me reflections of how much I have valued others over myself.
It is almost like self - worth and I have only JUST been formally introduced - up until fairly recently self - worth was like my distant cousin, the one that you kind of know about, may have met briefly once or twice but don't really feel that you are related or connected with. That was me and my self - worth, till now...
I can honestly say that the light bulbs of realisation that have been going off in my head lately (honestly so bright if they were outside of my head you could have seen them from space!! This means BIG realisations) is like having spent years walking through a dark corridor searching desperately for the light switch and then realising that it has been so close all along that all I had to do was reach out my hand trust that it was there and feel for it. A few very much "oh DER that's it!!" moments where I guess it's like learning a new skill - you feel really dumb at first like you will never get it and you practise so hard that it hurts and you want to cry and give up so you decide to just leave it alone for a while, take a step back, and when you try again magically it all makes sense and seems so easy you wonder what all the fuss was about - BINGO! Me and my self - worth!!
To anyone who might ask exactly what lead to this epiphany, I can't really say that it was just one thing and I guess that was part of the light bulb moment, for me it is EVERYTHING. My self - worth is about ME living MY authentic life and doing that by looking at all aspects of my life, trying my hardest, doing my best and giving myself permission to take credit in my life where it is due as well as (and this has been a tough one for me) looking at the people I spend time with, how I feel about them, how I feel about ME when I am with them and how I feel after we have spent time together - do I feel inspired, happy, excited, peaceful, balanced etc or do I feel flat, drained, worried, ugly, stupid or worst of all not good enough.
These questions are really a guideline to all aspects of my life - my job, my friends,my relationships with others,how I am and where I am going in the world, all of it, the whole kit and caboodle. I have realised that I no longer need to spend time with people or in places that I feel undermined, unhappy,or unworthy and that it is MY choice to change those things if I don't like it, that I am worth having what I see as the best for me right now.
I want my whole life to be like the feeling that I have right at this very moment. A life where I feel treasured and valued for all that I bring and all that I am but also a place that I can be challenged and questioned in a genuine and loving way so that I can continue to grow and change and reach for the next star in that endless night sky....

It's All About the Colour.....

Shiny, Rainbowy Greetings to All,

Today I think I'll chat about my 'thing' with wearing whatever colour I 'feel' is right for that day and today's colour I would call 'Coral' or if you asked one of my children I think it would be described as "Orangish, Pinkish,Redish" and it feels bright and pretty!
I know that there are definately some other divine kindred souls out there that like to dress in whatever colour they 'feel' they need to wear, but I wonder if other people do it without even realising - even when people choose to wear black consistently that has something to say (and NO it does not just mean that they are morbid or boring!)
The only rare times I will wear black (unless I have to for work) is when I feel like I want to be invisible, that I want to disappear a little from the world and take a little step back. So I guess the fact that I just adore wearing colour means that most of the time I am out there saying "Hello world, look at me!" and I'm not sure that it is a concious thing, that I dress to be 'different' is certainly concious but not necessarily so that I can totally stand out in a crowd but more so I feel like me inside and out. There was a time (not so long ago) that I dressed in a certain way almost in defiance of 'fitting in', it was not a concious action at the time but more for me an action of protection against feeling very vulnerable in the new place in my life that I was stepping into at the time. I feel that I have evolved from that place and I guess as we often do when we are trying out something new, I eventually found a look and style that was truly 'me' as well as what fitted the image I was trying to portray to the world at the time.I do often wonder if other people think this much about everything that they do or if it really is that I need the lobotomy that one of my friends kindly offered to perform once upon a meltdown day!!
Oh, I got a bit off track - oops, how unlike me haha
So today's colour 'coral' now that I think about it, for me is saying a little orange for self confidence and self assuredness (is that a word?!), a little pinkish for love - to invite more love into my life and be loving to others, and a little reddish to ignight a bit of fiery passion to keep me going with kids and holidays and changes and growth....PHEW that's a lot to get from one colour!!
Now that my day is coming to a close it is time for soft fabrics and whatever is comfy who knows what colour tomorrow will bring.............

First time for everything

Wow, here I am in Bloggersville!!

Something I have toyed with the idea of for a while, talked myself out of, then pondered again - this idea of blogging....but here I am, all set up so let the journey 's' begin.........

I am pretty sure that anyone who knows me would agree with the title 'Rainbow Goddess' for me as I do tend to be pretty colourful and I absolutley LOVE all things rainbow and I try pretty hard to own the title of 'Goddess' in the most humble of way (of course!)

Since today is always a chance at a new begining I am going to allow myself to be born today as Rainbow Goddess - she who blogs whatever the path brings and shares the insights that it offers! Having said that, sometimes my 'insights' could be taken for a form of maddness (my own special brand that I'm kind of attached to). Todays example of insight is all that 'stuff' that a New Year brings up and offers and tempts us with - the promise of a chance to make amends with yourself, to 'get it right' as if we are not already perfect exactly as we im-perfectly are. So with all of this in mind I have been clearing out the house, un burdening every room of the physical space as well as my internal 'house' my mind, heart and spirit and I must say it leaves me feeling........well, a little weird!! I am pleased with my progress, I have plans, hopes, dreams, (and a new tv!) so what is this 'gap' I feel right now? Should I be looking to replace the space that I have created inside and out or do I just sit, zen like, and just 'be' in the space in between??

That feels like quite enough for now so welcome to my journey, take whatever resonates and speaks to you and feel free to leave the rest behind.......